I had a job interview yesterday and they liked me enough to invite me back to a second interview to meet the rest of the staff. This is getting starting to get serious. I like this place. It’s inpatient treatment, the clientele is the population I seem to gravitate towards, men with addictions, mental illness, and criminal histories, in other words, the not-cute.
I like the people who interviewed me. It seems like a decent place to work. The pay, well, is not so great. It’s less that I was getting before. However, it’s downtown, a great location. The benefit package is pretty decent, too. The big problem is that it is 40 hours per week and I don’t know if I’m up to that yet. I still tire more easily than I would like. I’m not up to running at full throttle yet.
I’ll keep pursuing this possibility, however. If the staff likes me enough, then I’ll teach a class there and then run a process group. That way, they’ll get a sense of what I’m like and I’ll get a sense of what they, their clients, and the facility are like. I could be back to work as soon as November 6th, which is an interesting coincidence because November 6th, 2006 was when I officially went on leave last year to start treatment for breast cancer. I didn’t start chemo until a couple of weeks after that because of a false positive of my remaining breast from an MRI. I was a basket case, not looking forward to chemo, with great justification. It turned out to be a lot more brutal than I could have imagined.
I haven’t worked full time since I went on leave and for good reason. It’s only in the last month or so that I have been able to get through a full day without a nap. And my brain is clearing up now. I can keep appointments straight again. I can think clearly, but again, that’s only in the past month that I’ve been able to do so. I’m wondering when to disclose my (temporary) disabilities. I’m sure that in one more month I’ll be in even better shape, but I’m worried that the first month may be a problem. On the other hand, I may not get the job, so such concerns are premature.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
A Day in the Life
Yesterday I took a three and a half mile ride with David to Alberta Street for some Thai food and a leisurely walk to look at the arty shops there. I came home exhausted. It was a good reality check. I’ve been feeling great lately, but I haven’t been doing much physical activity. I used to ride 10-12 miles per day and now three and a half wipe me out. I suppose I should be gratefule that I can ride at all.
Today I walked three and a half miles in the glorious sunshine. It was so lovely, especially after eleven solid days of rain. I walked to the bank to get a form notarized and on the way back I discovered a wonder shop in my neighborhood called Up Your Alley at 4223A Fremont Street. Nicole Carlon is the proprietor. The shop is full of wonderful clothes, jewelry and home decorations. I bought a lot of very wonderful items, a quilt, earrings, jewelry, and a jacket. She has wonderful taste. Normally I absolute hate to shop but you wouldn’t have known it today. I had a lovely time.
I have been applying for jobs lately with no results, no interviews (except the one for the county, but I didn’t make the finals). Today I emailed in yet another cover letter and resume and within five minutes I got a call. I’ll go in for an interview tomorrow. I don’t know if this is my job. It’s full time and the pay isn’t great, but I liked the woman I talked to on the phone and in the last analysis, it’s the people that I work with that is most important factor in whether or not I like the job. It’s how I spend the minutes and hours of my life and who I spend it with that matters most to me. So I’ll check it out. At least I got an interview and that’s something to be grateful for. And the agency is within bicycling distance. That is a huge plus in my book.
Meanwhile, there’s lots going on in my life. One of the women I met on the retreat had a mastectomy last week and got her lab report back today to find that 27 out of 27 lymph nodes were positive. I was devastated to hear that. She’ll be doing radiation and has already gone through chemo.
My friend Chelle will be going in for her fourth surgery soon. Her cancer isn’t very advanced, but they haven’t got the margins yet. I don’t know what’s going on with this disease. It’s so rampant.
I have a mammogram scheduled for next Monday. It’s routine, but I’m nervous about it all the same. Howard will accompany me, which is good. I don’t want to face this alone. It’s been such a rough year and I’m not ready for any bad news just as I’m getting back on my feet again.
Today I walked three and a half miles in the glorious sunshine. It was so lovely, especially after eleven solid days of rain. I walked to the bank to get a form notarized and on the way back I discovered a wonder shop in my neighborhood called Up Your Alley at 4223A Fremont Street. Nicole Carlon is the proprietor. The shop is full of wonderful clothes, jewelry and home decorations. I bought a lot of very wonderful items, a quilt, earrings, jewelry, and a jacket. She has wonderful taste. Normally I absolute hate to shop but you wouldn’t have known it today. I had a lovely time.
I have been applying for jobs lately with no results, no interviews (except the one for the county, but I didn’t make the finals). Today I emailed in yet another cover letter and resume and within five minutes I got a call. I’ll go in for an interview tomorrow. I don’t know if this is my job. It’s full time and the pay isn’t great, but I liked the woman I talked to on the phone and in the last analysis, it’s the people that I work with that is most important factor in whether or not I like the job. It’s how I spend the minutes and hours of my life and who I spend it with that matters most to me. So I’ll check it out. At least I got an interview and that’s something to be grateful for. And the agency is within bicycling distance. That is a huge plus in my book.
Meanwhile, there’s lots going on in my life. One of the women I met on the retreat had a mastectomy last week and got her lab report back today to find that 27 out of 27 lymph nodes were positive. I was devastated to hear that. She’ll be doing radiation and has already gone through chemo.
My friend Chelle will be going in for her fourth surgery soon. Her cancer isn’t very advanced, but they haven’t got the margins yet. I don’t know what’s going on with this disease. It’s so rampant.
I have a mammogram scheduled for next Monday. It’s routine, but I’m nervous about it all the same. Howard will accompany me, which is good. I don’t want to face this alone. It’s been such a rough year and I’m not ready for any bad news just as I’m getting back on my feet again.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Meditation Deprivation
I hate not meditating in the morning. Meditating in the morning sort of like looking in the mirror and combing your first thing, only it’s combing your mind instead, making it behave before you get out of the starting box. Most mornings I wake up and just breathe deeply for ten minutes, trying to empty my mind, letting any intrusive thoughts drift away, like leaves that have fallen into a river. I allow myself to be breathed on the breath of God, as St. Theresa of Avila would have it, and to take in great breaths of energy and light. Next I wake up my chakras, get them glowing, spinning, online, moving energy up and down the spine from earth the crown, connecting with the divine, letting healing light shine through me, aligning me to my higher self and my higher purpose. All this is in an upright position, sitting zazen, or my approximation of it. Sometimes I throw some chanting in there that my sensei taught me years ago. Then I sit back on my pillows and get out my healing notebook, leafing through the several sections labeled Attunement, Affirmations, Gratitude, Goals, and Listening. It helps program me for the day. I’ve written a page or two for each section and it takes me about 10 minutes each time I do it. With the breathing, the chakra visualization, and the notebook, it takes me about 30-40 minutes.
Today I awoke at 4:30 am, way too early, so after getting up to pee and to take the meds and supplements that want to be taken without food, I went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep. I thought all of the sleepy thoughts I could think of but far more interesting thoughts kept popping through even though my body was still in hibernation mode. I finally gave up, turned on the light, and started reading. I’m currently reading Anne Lamott’s latest book on faith, in large print, which is good, because when I wake up in the middle of the night (and when it’s still dark out and before 5:30 am I refuse to consider it early morning) I can’t focus my eyes particularly well. I love her essays on faith, on being so terribly imperfect, like the rest of us; I can identify. Except that I’m not so brutally honest.
I don’t dwell on my imperfections. When Yom Kippur comes around and I’m at services and listening to the whole litany of transgressions so we can stand and atone, I always listen to them and think, I haven’t been so bad. Most of these don’t apply to me. I really tried my best under the circumstances. And then, the next part of the service says (to paraphrase) “and for those of you who don’t think this applies to you, you guys are the worst of all.” Yeah, well…um, busted. Yom Kippur is not my favorite holiday, and it’s not just because of the fasting all day, because that’s not my style either. It’s that I’m lousy at apologies. I tend to sound like an early Steve Martin routine, “Well, ex-cuuuuuse meee!” when I try to apologize. I sound like a member of the Bush administration or one of their supporters when I try to apologize. I suck at it. I know that atonement is at-one-ment, becoming one with All That Is, and my ability to apologize and atone is definitely a barrier to my ascension to the divine. Quel dommage. Tante pis. Yep, I’ve got a bad attitude. That’s why I need to meditate. That’s one of the many reasons I need to meditate.
So finally, I fell asleep at 6: 30 or so and slept in until 8:15 when it was time to launch into what I now consider a busy day, at least for someone who no longer works 40 hours a week. No time for meditation, but at least I’m well rested, at there’s a lot to be said for that. No time for yoga, but while I wait for Stephen when he’s at physical therapy at OHSU (I’m his chauffeur) I’m able to type on my computer, which I haven’t had time for in ages. Next stop today is Good Sam where I need to drop off a couple of post-mastectomy vests for a friend who just had a mastectomy, then it’s a quick lunch, and an appointment with my oncologist. And still no time to meditate, let alone get some yoga practice in.
On the plus side, it’s all about being well again, which means that I can be of service to friends that are currently Going Through It. As eager as I am to get back to work again, I’m grateful for the opportunity to be available right now.
Today I awoke at 4:30 am, way too early, so after getting up to pee and to take the meds and supplements that want to be taken without food, I went back to bed and tried to go back to sleep. I thought all of the sleepy thoughts I could think of but far more interesting thoughts kept popping through even though my body was still in hibernation mode. I finally gave up, turned on the light, and started reading. I’m currently reading Anne Lamott’s latest book on faith, in large print, which is good, because when I wake up in the middle of the night (and when it’s still dark out and before 5:30 am I refuse to consider it early morning) I can’t focus my eyes particularly well. I love her essays on faith, on being so terribly imperfect, like the rest of us; I can identify. Except that I’m not so brutally honest.
I don’t dwell on my imperfections. When Yom Kippur comes around and I’m at services and listening to the whole litany of transgressions so we can stand and atone, I always listen to them and think, I haven’t been so bad. Most of these don’t apply to me. I really tried my best under the circumstances. And then, the next part of the service says (to paraphrase) “and for those of you who don’t think this applies to you, you guys are the worst of all.” Yeah, well…um, busted. Yom Kippur is not my favorite holiday, and it’s not just because of the fasting all day, because that’s not my style either. It’s that I’m lousy at apologies. I tend to sound like an early Steve Martin routine, “Well, ex-cuuuuuse meee!” when I try to apologize. I sound like a member of the Bush administration or one of their supporters when I try to apologize. I suck at it. I know that atonement is at-one-ment, becoming one with All That Is, and my ability to apologize and atone is definitely a barrier to my ascension to the divine. Quel dommage. Tante pis. Yep, I’ve got a bad attitude. That’s why I need to meditate. That’s one of the many reasons I need to meditate.
So finally, I fell asleep at 6: 30 or so and slept in until 8:15 when it was time to launch into what I now consider a busy day, at least for someone who no longer works 40 hours a week. No time for meditation, but at least I’m well rested, at there’s a lot to be said for that. No time for yoga, but while I wait for Stephen when he’s at physical therapy at OHSU (I’m his chauffeur) I’m able to type on my computer, which I haven’t had time for in ages. Next stop today is Good Sam where I need to drop off a couple of post-mastectomy vests for a friend who just had a mastectomy, then it’s a quick lunch, and an appointment with my oncologist. And still no time to meditate, let alone get some yoga practice in.
On the plus side, it’s all about being well again, which means that I can be of service to friends that are currently Going Through It. As eager as I am to get back to work again, I’m grateful for the opportunity to be available right now.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Traveling by Car, Bike, and Train
It’s been a while since I wrote and it will be a while until I get another opportunity. I went down to Cottage Grove again to see Anita and Mike last week. It was wonderful to stay in their yurt, such a magnificent space. Visiting with Anita was a special treat. It was so good to touch base with her.
I went down to get my bicycle freed from its electric motor. I bought an off-the-rack Bike Friday and had them un-convert my old bike and put the motor on the new bike. I drove down to Cottage Grove, spent the night there, then went to Eugene to have the motor switched. It was a lesson in respecting my limitations. I thought I was doing so well, but all that driving (three hours each way) was exhausting. I’m still not nearly as robust as I used to be, although my energy level is improving. However, the trip proved to be a bit much for me and I caught a cold. I spent several days down for the count. It reminded me just how tedious it is to lack energy.
By Sunday I was back on my feet again, and more to the point, back on a non-electric bicycle. It was really fun to actually pedal again. I like having the electric one as a back-up. I mean, it’s nice not to have to take the Queen Mary out (my Camry) when a little motorboat with an outboard motor (my electric bicycle) will do. I’m trying to keep to riding four miles or less for now on the regular bicycle and reserving the ebike for longer or more hilly trips until I’m really back to being a maniac. Of course, the rains are here, the weather is unseasonably chilly, so actually pedaling is going to keep me much warmer and happier. And I can’t imagine that it’s all that great for the motor to get it drenched constantly.
So, I’m off to Seattle tomorrow by train to visit Carol who is here visiting from England. She is holding court in Seattle so I must go up there. I’ll stay with Chelle in Bainbridge and commute to Carol by ferry. I wish I could take one of my bicycles with me, but the Talgo trains aren’t running at present so it’s not possible to take anything more than carry-on luggage.
No more news on the job front. I keep applying for jobs and not even getting an interview. I keep telling myself it’s because the right job hasn’t shown up yet. It’s discouraging, though.
I went down to get my bicycle freed from its electric motor. I bought an off-the-rack Bike Friday and had them un-convert my old bike and put the motor on the new bike. I drove down to Cottage Grove, spent the night there, then went to Eugene to have the motor switched. It was a lesson in respecting my limitations. I thought I was doing so well, but all that driving (three hours each way) was exhausting. I’m still not nearly as robust as I used to be, although my energy level is improving. However, the trip proved to be a bit much for me and I caught a cold. I spent several days down for the count. It reminded me just how tedious it is to lack energy.
By Sunday I was back on my feet again, and more to the point, back on a non-electric bicycle. It was really fun to actually pedal again. I like having the electric one as a back-up. I mean, it’s nice not to have to take the Queen Mary out (my Camry) when a little motorboat with an outboard motor (my electric bicycle) will do. I’m trying to keep to riding four miles or less for now on the regular bicycle and reserving the ebike for longer or more hilly trips until I’m really back to being a maniac. Of course, the rains are here, the weather is unseasonably chilly, so actually pedaling is going to keep me much warmer and happier. And I can’t imagine that it’s all that great for the motor to get it drenched constantly.
So, I’m off to Seattle tomorrow by train to visit Carol who is here visiting from England. She is holding court in Seattle so I must go up there. I’ll stay with Chelle in Bainbridge and commute to Carol by ferry. I wish I could take one of my bicycles with me, but the Talgo trains aren’t running at present so it’s not possible to take anything more than carry-on luggage.
No more news on the job front. I keep applying for jobs and not even getting an interview. I keep telling myself it’s because the right job hasn’t shown up yet. It’s discouraging, though.
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