The Front Porch of Heaven

I've been writing bad poetry. It's one of my new skills. I was actually on the radio last night, on KBOO, reading one of my poems:

The Front Porch of Heaven

Long ago, when I was a little girl,
I was told I would never go to heaven,
Having never been baptized.
No, I was one of those heathen Unitarians,
Practically an atheist in the eyes of my playmates,
And I could never enter heaven’s gates. I was told
I could only hang out on the front porch of heaven
And peek through the windows at the delights
Within the walls that kept me out.

Right then and there
I decided to learn to play the banjo.
I hoped that God, being merciful,
Would provide me with a rocking chair.
No doubt there would be other heathens and Unitarians
And assorted unbelievers
On that wide, long porch.
Perhaps some would have guitars, mandolins,
A bass and a fiddle or two.
Surely there would be a drummer in the crowd,
And maybe a sax, trumpet, and trombone,
All the makings of a decent pick-up band.

Now I play a banjo in anticipation of the day
I cross over and find myself on that cosmic front porch.
I plan to have a right good old time
Playing my banjo for the assembled outcasts.
I want to be buried with an inner tube,
A packed lunch, a pump, and my banjo,
Just in case the Egyptians were right
And I have to take it with me to have it there.
When I land on that other shore, I’ll pump up the inner tube
And float down that eternal river
Strumming my banjo,
Until I float right up to the front porch of heaven,

I think of the singing and the songs we’ll play there.
I think of the dancing and joking and good times to be.
I imagine that my fellow heathens and I
Will make a joyous, raucous sound,
Singing and dancing until that front porch shakes the gates
And rattles the windows of heaven
And all the denizens within, will look out.
Feet tapping, hungry to join the party,
They will surge out the gates,
Pile onto the front porch,
And spill onto the front lawn of heaven.

Dancing and singing and playing,
We’ll be whirling with the angels
Far, far into eternity, through the night sky,
Leaping from star to star.
O heavenly choirs, O joyous dance.
O come, all ye of all faiths and non-faiths,
Come join us on the front porch of heaven.