Contentment

My heavens, it’s been nearly a month since I wrote. That’s what working will do to one. It turns out that I love my job. It’s been a little stressful, of course, because there is so much to learn. It’s been a while since I’ve worked in treatment and I have to get used to the way that they do it at DePaul. But the people are great; I love the team that I work with. I’m enjoying the clients as well.

I’ve been riding my bicycle to work every day, but I’m reconsidering that. I come home so exhausted that I can barely move. Last week I had a doctor’s appointment so I had to drive to work so I could go to the appointment in the middle of the day. Despite the frustrations of driving and having to park downtown, I felt a lot more energetic when I got home. And today the weather was so awful (we’re in the midst of a huge wind and rain storm) that I took the bus to work and back. I feel pretty lively. I believe I’ve been pushing myself too hard and I’m going to have to not ride for a while.

Now that I think of it, that would be happening anyway. I’m going in for my final surgery tomorrow. This will be the icing on the cake, the construction of the nipple. I’m hoping that the anesthetic won’t affect me horribly as it has at times in the past. I hope to get Dr. Aziz, who was the anesthesiologist last time. He did a wonderful job and I felt fine within days instead of months. I have only one week off, so I hope I can clear the anesthetic out of my body quickly this time. I’ll have the skin for the nipple reconstruction taken from my inner thigh, so that might slow me down a bit as well, especially because I have to climb a lot of stairs at work. Still, I should be able manage.

In general, I feel a sublime contentment. There’s something about having suitable and engaging work that is incredibly uplifting. I sent out messages to the universe to attract this job to me and here it is. It’s what I asked for: “I find meaningful, interesting, and fun work for which I am well compensated and well appreciated with excellent benefits, a job that will find me at just the right time with wonderful people to work with for subervisors and colleagues.” I meditated upon that several times a week and lo, it came to pass.

I was struck today how last year at this time I was in the hospital with neutropenia, near death. This year I feel very healthy. I feel like I’ve been through hell and back and lived to tell the tale. I believe I’ve learned a lot along the way. I wouldn’t trade experience for anything, although it was really difficult to go through and probably aged me several years. Indeed, I’ve become a crone, a little old lady. I kind of like it. I’m more fragile physically than I used to be, but I’m certainly strong enough to do what I want to do. I need to be respectful of my energy and not take on too much. I have a rule: only one evening meeting a week at most. So far I’m sticking to it. I get to bed a 9 pm every night, lights out by 9:30 so I can wake up early to meditate and do yoga. It’s a good life.