Letting the Healing Process Unfold

I was able to stop taking painkillers yesterday, at least during the day, and that improved my outlook immensely. A woman from my yoga class called and offered to give me a ride to the class and I realized that I could go. I didn’t have to do much once there. I could just lie there and meditate if need be. I was rather nauseated by the ride over, but once there I felt better and was able to participate despite my limitations. It was a very nice place to be, in fact.

I came home and had a light supper with our family, courtesy of Chira. Then people started arriving for a shiva minyan for Sophie. It was very nice to have people here to support us and join in prayers. We have inherited the family photo albums, so we had those on the table and people looked through them. Howard shared stories about Sophie and it was a very lovely evening.

I was able to stay up until about 9 pm. I was amazed at my stamina. Everyone commented on how good I looked so soon after surgery. I guess I did. I was surprised because just the day before I had felt like such a wreck. Several people said they liked my new hair. Brad Yazzolino said that I looked like a wise elder projected from the future. I liked that image.

I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night in raging pain. Evidently my body doesn’t like being still for too long. I took a couple of oxocodone and eventually the pain calmed down and I was able to go back to sleep. I awoke again with the dawn, which comes pretty early these days, about 4:40 am. The crows have a screaming match about then. My mind was bouncing all around, there were so many things that I had to plan, had to think. And then I finally calmed down and was able to meditate, and allow myself to unfold, experience where I was in the healing process (which is really back to the beginning again) and appreciate being there and not try to be anywhere else. I went down to have breakfast with David before he left for work. After he left, I went back upstairs and fell asleep for another hour or so.

So yesterday was a “good” day. I’m paying for it today in terms of more limited energy, but that’s to be expected. This is how the healing process works, two steps forward, one step back. As I get better, I’m able to take better care of myself. I’m able to take supplements now. I can do some limited cooking. I can face taking a tablespoon full of fish oil (which is a great anti-inflammatory but it’s too gross to contemplate when I’m nauseated). I can remember to meditate. I even took a 10 minute walk this morning, and that was plenty for this stage of recovery. I hope to take another one tonight, but I’m not going to push it if I’m not up for it. And I’m grateful that during the day I don’t have to take painkillers.