Roberta and Dawn Meet

Roberta and Dawn meet for the first time

Deborah tells me that it is time to post a new photograph; the last was a bit gruesome, although it documents the current dominant feature of my life. I had a new fill on Monday, the last one, thankfully. Each is more uncomfortable than the last and it makes sleeping almost impossible.

My friend Dawn came to visit on Wednesday. I have been trying to lure her back to Portland for years. I believe that Dawn, Roberta, and Akhri and I are destined to work together. It was fairly late (for me) when I called Roberta that night, but she came over and met Dawn and they hit it off right away. The room was positively electric with energy. Dawn wants to stay in England for another year to pick up another Master's degree. Then she's hoping to go into a PhD program at PSU. Roberta has big plans for bringing treatment programs to Clackamas County. She good at networking, brainstorming, and firing people up. She's a whirlwind of energy, but can use someone to help her direct it. She goes off in about ten different directions at once.

I’ve decided to curtail the job search for a while. I have been sending out resumes with typos on them, containing the wrong email address and a typo in my home address. It proved to me that I’m cognitively not yet up to the task. I think my unconscious is protecting me from myself. And I have another surgery coming up soon. It’s kicked off a moral dilemma for me. I’m supposed to be looking for work if I’m receiving unemployment. I know other people receive unemployment when they have no intention of looking for work. However, I’m not able to do that. I guess I will have to bite the bullet and refuse those checks for a while until I am able to look for work again. I’m not happy about that, but I’m not very good a being dishonest, either. My EFT group helped me sort out this problem last night. It’s not like it will be that long until I get back on my feet again. The next surgery will be an outpatient sort. I know that’s still somewhat debilitating, but not nearly as difficult as the last one.

As I get better, I realize how out of it I have been. My energy is improving to the point that I can do limited housework and that makes my world a little more pleasant. Today I ran an errand; I drove to Powell’s Books on Hawthorne by myself. Up until now I’ve only gone out on very short errands, within one mile of my house. Or I’ve gone to doctor’s appointments, or to my therapist, only doing what was absolutely necessary. I’ve had to protect my energy reserves very carefully. However, this was an extraneous errand, one I did just for the fun of it because there was a used book there I’ve been wanting for a while. It was not essential to the continuance of my existence. After that, I bought some office supplies at Fred Meyer’s then I took myself to lunch. This was a small milestone, but one of significance to me.

I’ve been able to set little goals for myself each day, like light housekeeping chores. Chira and I took a walk this morning at 5 am since we were both awake after very little sleep. It was about two miles. I slowed down considerably by the end because my saline filled expander started to hurt a lot, but at least my legs were up to the task. It did give mea reality check, though, about how much exercise I need at present, which is not a lot. Less is more.