Here’s a picture of me as an alien and a picture of me in the pink wig. I shaved off the rest of my hair yesterday. It was falling out so fast and it was so itchy on my collar and my pillow that it was time to stop the torment. It’s a rather startling look, much more so than the buzz cut of last week. I’ve always been a person with abundant hair and now it’s all gone. This major disease experience is all about letting go: letting go of self perceptions, letting go of treasured activities (bicycling, going to the movies or opera), letting go of going to work. But I suppose hair is the most dramatic loss.
However, the pink wig is comfortable and fun and now I’ve got the wardrobe for it so I’ve been wearing it today. It’s a little costume-like, but what the heck.
It’s cold out there. The high today is 36 degrees. I contemplated taking a walk because it was clear and sunny, but I was afraid of getting chilled. I’m treating myself very gingerly right now. I’m beginning to realize just how fragile I am. I’m so used to feeling invincible and it’s just not that way.
Elaine from my group called to check in. She had heard that I was in the hospital. She was hospitalized during chemo as well. I told her that although I had an extensive hat collection, I didn’t have anything that I could throw on that was warm and soft. She said she had some chemo hats that she had left over and that she would drop them by. I am constantly amazed and touched by the generosity of the women in my support group. They call and check in on me all the time and I am so grateful for that.
Howard’s having a wonderful time in Nashville at his training. He sounds excited when I talk to him on the phone. I imagine he will be very good at doing presentations, given his background in performance and biology. He was happy to find out that he will be able to adapt the presentation to his style.
The week after next (December 11-15) Howard and Andrine are going to a writer’s retreat on the coast. Jasper will already have left for San Diego and Gavi is going to visit his girlfriend at WSU in Pullman, which means I will have to find people to hang out for a bit during the day until David shows up. I’m not an overly demanding patient, but I now have an appreciation for just how fast I can crash; it seems prudent to have someone about during the day since it will be the week after chemo. I've broken it up into 10 shifts (5 morning, 5 afternoon) and so far I have five filled in.
Why is it that I'm always so startled by the change in seasons? I look out my window and I am amazed that the leaves are off the trees and the branches are tossing in the wind. It's not like this is something new. When summer comes I also feel off guard. Perhaps this is because I spent so much of my youth in San Francisco, where the seasons never go to extremes. It rarely gets really hot and it never snows there. I suppose I prefer this climate, but it never fails to surprise me.
No comments:
Post a Comment