It Takes a Village to Heal

Yet another hat, this one from Beth Hamon, an excellent musician and a fellow bicycle fanatic.

Yesterday was a good day, in terms of energy. I felt fully 50% of my former self, and that’s a lot when one is used to feeling 10-20% of one’s former self. There was a lilt in my voice and a bounce in my step. It was a glimpse of what it will be like to feel well again. I went to various appointments, ran a couple of errands, and finally went to my support group at night. Usually I can do one thing a day. Feeling good made me realize just how tired I’ve felt these past few weeks. It was so easy to do things for a change. I picked up my room, I went to the grocery store to buy food for dinner tomorrow, I drove myself to my group, all things that I haven’t been able to do for a while.

So today, well, it’s back to feeling pretty tired. I suppose that’s to be expected. Good days and bad days. I was sort of hoping yesterday was the beginning of an upward trend, but I suppose I can’t expect that until a few weeks after the last chemo treatment.

Deborah gave me a fascinating present, a psychic reading. I talked to the psychic this morning. The main things I got from it: I’m going to get better, a return to joy. This is a seven year cycle, I’m on year five, past the learning curve where it’s one damn thing after another (or the same damn thing over and over again). Allowing others to take care of me is way of restoring balance. By October of 2007, I’ll be involved in a new evolution of career. It’s not time to look for a new job. By May I’ll hear the rumblings that will lead to the new position, which will lead to an improvement in my financial situation. I don’t have to look for it, it will come to me. In fact, it’s time to slow down, cultivate stillness and tap into the idea that is my purpose instead of running off in several directions at once. Just because I’m good at generating ideas doesn’t mean I have to pursue them all. The idea is to have the faith and patience to listen to what is exactly right for me. In the next three years I’ll be able to open up, to develop my ESP, to speak to others and tell them what they need to hear with timing and appropriateness. It’s not about “helping,” it’s about merging, connection, and communication.

Body is on the mend. I can look forward to a long life. Well, that’s encouraging. Maybe this will be just a bump in the road and not the end of the road. Perhaps I still have some work to do here, and much of it, for the moment, is learning about how to let others help me. That’s not an easy task, it turns out, but I’m working on it.

The EFT tapping is going well. The pain in my arm is down to a manageable level, not a 0, but at least I can sleep. And the hot flash cycles at night have decreased from 5 to 2, which means that I can get as much as 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time. Last night was another good sleeping night.

Ginny, my colleague from UCLA, was just here to drop off a CD with affirmations for chemotherapy. Golda Dwass from my class at Havurah Shalom came to visit and brought me some books to read. Johanna Perkins came in the afternoon and stayed for dinner. I actually cooked dinner for Shabbat tonight, although the challah was a joint effort with Diane, who did the kneading and the braiding. I guess I’m doing better if I can think of cooking for 12. Johanna gave me a polarity massage and that felt great. I need a way to get my energy moving since I’m not exercising much.

My diet is back on track for the most part. I’ve been managing to avoid dairy, wheat, and sugar these past few days and feel better for it. It is also an indication that I’m feeling better. I have the energy to fix things and avoid easy things like chocolate and pretzels and the like. Merry brought me some wonderful soup and an African stew that has made lunches much easier.

I’m allowing others to nurture me, to take care of me, to value me, and it’s quite a lovely experience. I had already figured that out before the psychic spoke. It’s about being a human being, not a human doing. Do be do be do. Death is nature’s way of telling us to slow down. So, indeed, is a life-threatening illness.