In the Pink

My aim is to make chemo as interesting as I can. Somewhere in the recesses of my house or garageI have a very nice pink wig. I hope to find it by the time my hair starts falling out. I bought it many years ago in Covent Garden in London when my oldest son was a toddler. I used to wear it when I performed with my juggling partner (who is now deceased, God bless him). I would assert that I had naturally pink hair and he would counter that I was wearing a wig. Finally, after some back and forth, he would snatch the wig off my head only to reveal bright pink hair underneath. I had dyed my hair magenta.

Anyway, I’m in the process of attracting pink garments to myself. Back in the day when I had magenta colored hair I went for bright colors and short skirts, but now I’m just looking for quiet pinks and longer, flowing clothes. Someone just gave me a long pink overcoat that’s perfect. I shall hit the thrift stores in search of more pink items as well. I think the more that I can build a wardrobe that will support me in this, the better. Having pink hair is very much like being a blond. Having no hair, including eyebrows and eyelashes will actually assist the pink look. I'm looking forward to finding some pink tennis shoes and perhaps some rollerskates I can dye pink, although I probably won't feel like rollerskating for a while.

As much as possible, I’d like to make chemo interesting and fun. Exploring my pink persona is one way of doing that. I was a very feminine clown. This also will be the clown persona, but grown up, wiser, and older.

While I’m finding the idea of chemo quite daunting (aside from reflections on my wardrobe), I have the support of wonderful and wise women who have already done this before me. I went to my support group last night and it’s so fabulous to be among them. I know this is a rough journey, and the perils are great, but this is about healing and I’m learning so much. It gives me the opportunity to slow down for a change and look at my life, my relationships, and my work in the world. Maybe just by healing myself I am doing my work in the world. Maybe I don’t have to push myself as hard as I’ve been these past five years. Maybe I can let it all unfold as it was meant to be, learn the lessons I was meant to learn, and in turn, learn how to help others through this journey. Our newest member was so overwhelmed yesterday and I had been in her place so recently, but I had some tools to offer her and hopefully she will call me and allow me the great privilege to be of service. That’s really all I ask, to serve others and to allow them to serve me when I need it. And they do. I have had such great caring shown to me by so many people I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Moira is an English lady in our group who is proceeding me in treatment. She just started chemo a couple of weeks ago. She showed up last night looking stunning in a new wig. It was such a better style that the one she had before she lost her hair. And she has such a great attitude. I hope I can pull this off with the grace that she is showing.

I return to work on Monday. Even as late as Wednesday I was wondering if that was a realistic time frame. However, these past couple of days I’ve felt much stronger. I even rode my bicycle to the store and back, two whole miles. It was such a thrill to be back in the saddle again. And I wasn’t exhausted afterwards. I’ll have at least four weeks before chemo starts so I can get a lot of bicycling in, perhaps not full tilt, but at least one way to work, then take the bus home. I so adore bicycling, especially in this glorious autumn weather.